Things i have actually been told by nurses not to do

As I spend quite a bit of time in and out of stoke, heart and multiple sclerosis wards filled with very old people I tend to get bored.

When I am bored I start looking for ways to amuse myself, this usually leads to an addition to the list that I actually have with the nurses at my local hospital.

(all these are things i have actually been told by nurses not to do)

1 Wear that shirt certain funny geek/web comic shirts when wandering around hospital.

2 Put a pebble under my tongue during a head scan so it shows up and baffles the nurses.

3 Put medical instruments up my nose.

4 Sing along to "barbie girl" even though its on my hospital radio headset at 10 PM on the geriatric and stroke ward.

5 Put blood pressure machine bandages anywhere but around my arm

6 When in the big tube for an MRI scan as the tray goes in and locks into position yell " MARINE READY FOR COMBAT DROP SIR, EXPRESS ELEVATOR TO HELL GOING DOWN".

7 Hide under my bed when its blood test time for a laugh.

7a (When found under bed have two wooden tongue depressors in a crucifix and say "back creature of the night".

8 Ask if i can have my coffee irish on the stroke/heart attack ward.

9 When being wheeled anywhere in hospital on bed from now on i am not sit up and sing the magic carpet song from Aladdin with my arms out while being wheeled past visitors and informing the nurses that its my magic carpet as i found it first.

10 Not to buy hospital bed TV time then turn TV round on saturday so all old men on ward can watch horse racing and start getting excited and raising voices.

11 See 10 especially not on the heart attack/stroke ward.